Aaaaahlaska

As someone that works in a school, I get asked a lot “What are you doing for your summer vacation?”  This summer I was excited to report that I was taking a cruise to Alaska with my good (and very patient with me) friend Sarah.  Her husband Wayne was kind enough to volunteer to babysit her two-year-old for the while we cruised north. 

We began our journey in Seattle.  While I was upgraded to first class on my flight from Denver (full reclining bed, in-seat movies, a meal and hot roasted nuts delivered to my seat), Sarah was unfortunately delayed in Albuquerque, and didn’t make it to Seattle until 10:00 p.m.  I was left to my own devices and took a really expensive taxi ride to the mall, about $15 each way, which is so much more than China, and saw a movie. I don’t see a lot of movies in China, so it was a treat.  I returned to the hotel, met a very tired Sarah in the lobby and we retired to our room for some girl chat and sleep.  We arose the next morning and opted to skip really expensive hotel breakfast in favor of a much cheaper meal at Denny’s across the street.  Denny’s was packed as all of the other departing cruise passengers had the same idea.  After breakfast, we headed into Seattle, checked in for our cruise and headed to Pike Place Market so that we could see the guy throw a fish.  Once the fish was thrown, we got out of there, as the cruise passengers that weren’t at Denny’s were all at Pike Place Market.  After stocking up on supplies at Target, we headed for the boat. 

We had booked ourselves on the Norwegian Pearl and arrived to welcome high fives (kind of weird, really) and our tiny cabin.  We booked an inside cabin, knowing that no one really spends time inside of their room on a cruise.   We headed off to explore the ship and to find food, as one knows that food must be consumed approximately every 45 minutes when on a cruise.  We headed for the Summer Palace dining room.  Now, I’m not a cruise ship designer, but as a student of history I know the story of the sad demise of the Romanoff Dynasty.  They all got shot in a little room.  It didn’t end well.  So, sitting in a dining room surrounded by pictures of frolicking Romanoffs enjoying the last years of their lives was just a little weird to me.  But, no one asked.  I digress.  Lunch was good.  I had the Vietnamese summer rolls, black bean burger and raspberry sherbet.  Sarah had the chicken sandwich.  We ate many meals at the summer palace, despite the creepy Romanoff portraits, as the food was decent.  And no one trampled us, like they would have in the buffet line. 

The Pearl had lots of amenities including a gym, a theatre, lots of restaurants, a casino, a zumba class, bingo and a cruise director named Pedro.  Sarah and I took advantage of as many of these amenities as possible, as we had already paid for them.  Plus, we were trapped on a ship for almost two days before we actually arrived in Alaska.  Our first night on the ship caught the Frankie Vally tribute band.  These guys were excellent singers but, I felt kind of bad for them that they had 60 year-old ladies throwing their panties at them during every show.  But, I guess if you choose to be part of a Frankie Valle tribute band on a cruise ship, you kind of know that is going to happen. 

After a very long time at sea, we arrived in Juneau.  We hopped on a tour bus with a crusty Tlinket guide named Ben.  He told us stories of the tribe.  We saw a glacier.   I practiced my Mandarin, as many of my Chinese friends were also onboard the Pearl.  We tried to order items on the menu at a Russian restaurant, but almost everything was sold out.  We looked at tacky Alaska souvineers (reindeer poop candy, polar bear poop candy, moose poop candy, necklaces shaped like whale tales…you get the idea) and headed back to the ship. 

Alaskan ports unfolded before us in a very similar fashion.  In Skagway we hopped on a three hour train ride up an narrow gauge railway build during the Klondike gold rush in the 1880s.  We took pictures, we got mooned by a guy on a passing train.  After the excitement of the train ride, we walked around Skagway, which took about 15 minutes and ate Indian food for lunch.  For some reason, Sarah wasn’t keen on visiting the museum of prostitution (apparently it was really big business in Skagway as there was nothing else to do there 100 years ago too) and we headed back to the ship.

Our next day was spent in Glacier Bay.  I must admit, Glacier Bay was really cool both literally and figuratively.  We found a good spot on deck (remember, inside cabin, perhaps not the smartest move in retrospect on an Alaska cruise) and waited on a deck chair for Glaciers.  Glaciers we saw.  There were glaciers on the tops of the mountains, there were glaciers fed by the sea.  We even saw the glacier calving.  There’s noting like an ice cube the size of a Mini Cooper falling off of a glacier into the sea.  Believe me, I’ve seen it.  As we travelled out of Glacier Bay we were visited by a pod of whales.  There were at least 20, and they were there to frolic.  I’ve seen a lot of things, and I must say, frolicking whales are pretty awesome. 

However, I’m not sure frolicking whales beat a Lumberjack show.  After Glacier Bay, we headed for Ketchikan, home of the Great Alaskan Lumberjack show.  That was impossible not to check out.  But first, we breakfast to eat and totem poles to see.  After a big plate of chocolate chip pancakes and hash browns at the Pioneer Cafe we got a tour of Ketchikan and a visit to a state park and totem museum.  After wandering through a garden of totem poles in the rain, we returned to town for the Lumberjack show.  I must say men wielding chainsaws, axes and decked out in flannel are kind of a turn on.  There’s just something about a burly guy with a chainsaw.  You know what I’m talking about.  Two hours later, Sarah and I got back on the boat and headed for our next port, Victoria, British Columbia.

By this point in the trip, we were both a little tired of beautiful nature so a city was right up our alley.  If you’ve never been to Victoria, you should go.  It’s lovely.  But go on a vacation, because unless you bought a house there 30 years ago, you probably can’t afford to live there.  It is a charming town full of beautifully constructed Victorian buildings, great shopping and a wide array of restaurants.  We ended up at an Irish Pub because that was just the kind of mood we were in after 7 nights of cruise food.  We wandered into a street festival, looked at really expensive artisanal jewelry and took a Pedi cab back to the boat (if you ever want to get in really good shape, become a Pedi cab driver.  That guy was ripped.  I guess hauling oversized cruise passengers around all day will do that for you). 

Sadly, as most things do, our cruise came to an end.  We arrived back to Seattle.  As we hadn’t eaten much all week, we decided to find a Seattle landmark breakfast joint.  Back at the airport, we picked up a rental car and hit the road in search of breakfast delights.  We weren’t disappointed by Voula's Offshore Cafe.  I try to live a pretty meat free life, but the pulled pork eggs benedict was too tempting to pass up.  They were delicious and I thank the pig that sacrificed it’s life to become my breakfast.  You were delicious.  Sarah had an early flight back to Albuquerque, so I took her back to the airport.  Once she was safely on her way (I had about 12 more hours to kill before my flight) I decided that I could stand to see another movie.  If you didn’t notice, the summer of 2013 was not well know for its movie greatness.  I settled on Superman.  It was solidly mediocre.  However, the movie chair was really soft, which made for a great nap during that one fight seen that lasted for about 45 minutes. 

Once the movie was over I decided to take full advantage of having a rental car by driving out to see Mt. Rainier.  I started driving and noticed it was a little cloudy.  That happens sometimes in Seattle, I have heard.  I drove and drove and drove.  The clouds failed to part.  By the time it was within about 15 miles of Mt. Rainier, I knew it was a lost cause.  The clouds were soupy thick and I was tired of driving.  So I turned around.  I was hungry and there was a Panera on the way back to Seattle.  China doesn’t have Panera, so giving up a chance of seeing the majestic Mt. Rainier in trade for soup, a sandwich and an apple isn’t as lame as it sounds.  Funny thing.  After dinner, it started to clear.  Probably enough if I would have waited another 30 minutes, I may have seen that mountain.  Oh well.  At least there will be something new to see in Seattle when I return. 

All in all, not a bad trip; definitely go to Alaska.  Definitely.  Whales, glaciers, poop shaped candy.  What’s not to love?